On the Subject of Dr. Doctor

*coughs* Since when can a bomb give me a prescription?!?

Someone in the bomb factory infected the bomb with a deadly module. Check out the symptoms, diagnose the disease, give a prescription and schedule a follow-up.

  • Use the Venn diagram S1CKN3SS to start off. Use Table D1A6N0S3 to make a diagnosis by using the letter or number obtained from the Venn diagram. Check if all the symptoms for that disease are listed on the module. If they are, this is the disease the bomb is suffering. Otherwise, check the next disease in the table. Repeat until a disease with matching symptoms is found. If the initial disease starts with a vowel, read the table in forward order, otherwise in reverse order.
  • Using the flow chart M3D1CA710N, determine the dose to treat the bomb.
  • The follow-up date is the date in Table D8TS closest to the date on which the bomb was started. Note the exceptions listed under the table!

Table D1A6N0S3

Disease Symptoms Treatment
A Alztimer’s Fever, Chills, Dizziness Minecraftazol
B Braintenance Headache, Sleepiness, Thirstiness Gr-Theta Autazine
C Color allergy Bloating, Cough, Diarrhea Tears of Tar
D Detonession Dizziness, Fatigue, Fever Residentevele
E Emojilepsy Headache, Muscle Cramp, Nausea Vitamin PUBG-12
F Foot and Morse Throat Irritation, Constipation, Foot Swelling Fortinite
G Gout of Life Hallucination, Cold Hands, Excessive Crying Scrapmechanol
H HRV Gas, Numbness, Loss of Smell Freddi-5
I Indicitis Bloating, Fever, Hallucination Forestamine
J Jaundry Disappearance of the Ears, Fever, Shortness of Breath λ-3
K Keypad stones Headache, Sleepiness, Fever Crushed Candy
L Legomania Cough, Excessive Crying, Muscle Cramp Supermariobromine
M Microcontusion Fever, Chills, Dizziness Q-Bertamin
N Narcolization Numbness, Constipation, Fatigue Vitamin Wii
O OCd Sleepiness, Dizziness, Thirstiness Astrodrosodale
P Piekinson’s Sleepiness, Cold Hands, Thirstiness Adlez DNA Knil
Q Quackgrounds Chills, Loss of Smell, Throat Irritation Nearwhisper
R Royal Flu Thirstiness, Fever, Headache Warcraftazol
S Seizure Siphor Constipation, Bloating, Hallucination Leega Ledgins
T Tetrinus Hallucination, Cold Hands, Dizziness No-Mercy
U Urinary LEDs Chills, Nausea, Numbness Assassine Cream
V Verticode Loss of Smell, Cold Hands, Sleepiness Cupcakes
W Widgeting Thirstiness, Cough, Fatigue GLa-doze
X XMAs Diarrhea, Sleepiness, Foot Swelling Ball of Cootie
Y Yes-no infection Gas, Throat Irritation, Muscle Cramp War-Med
Z Zooties Muscle Cramp, Constipation, Sleepiness CS-Go Lotion
1 Chronic Talk Throat Irritation, Cough, Foot Swelling Red Ded
2 Jukepox Sleepiness, Headache, Dizziness Solid Gear Metal
3 Neurolysis Foot Swelling, Excessive Crying, Nausea Vitamin BEAM
4 Perspective Loss Sleepiness, Bloating, Dizziness Waldohol
5 Orientitis Gas, Numbness, Loss of Smell Semtex
6 Huntington’s disease Cold Hands, Sleepiness, Throat Irritation Tetrisine

Diagram S1CKN3SS

VL4WMXNY5OZPQ1GRHS2ITJ3UKCDEFBA6
RED GREEN BLUE YELLOW ORANGE
Last digit of the SN is even 2 or more batteries Even number of modules More lit than unlit indicators More than half of the time on the bomb left

Flow Chart M3D1CAT10N

Does the bomb have3 batteries in 3 holders,a lit FRK, an unlit TRNand a Forget Me Not?Patient is infectedwith a superbug.KILL THE PATIENTwith 420g of cyanide.Is there alit FRQ?Is Fever listedas a symptom?The dose issolved ×unsolvedmodules, in mgIs the last digitof the serialnumber prime?Is therean iPhoneon the bomb?The doseis 2gThe dose isthe first digitin the SN ×the last digitin the SN, in mgThe dose is theamount of uniqueport types plusthe number ofmodules on thebomb, in mgFinally, if the dose is zero, make it1mg. If the dose is over 999mg, removethe least significant digit andchange the unit to grams.YesNoYesNoYesThe dose is the sum of thealphabetic positions ofall the letters in allthe indicators, in mg YesNoYesNoNoSTART

Table D8TE

July 28 June 25
November 11 July 27
April 12 August 2
May 13 October 16
September 1 December 18
September 2 December 7
November 1 January 30
April 30 October 2
July 16 August 20
February 14 June 5
September 11 May 27
September 4 May 11
April 4 November 20
April 1 July 4
January 13

If two dates are equally close to yours, take the one that is later in the year.