The diagram shows three rows of two buttons with text below a display with mirrored text, and five LEDs on the right.

On the Subject of Not Who’s on First

This module is like something out of the sewer system from a glitter factory, which is funny because it’s actually “pretty crap”. I’ll keep this brief, as words only make me write this thing longer.

Press the correct button to progress the module to the next stage. Complete all five stages to disarm the module. Pressing an incorrect button will reset the module back to stage 1. Button positions are numbered in reading order.

Stage 1

Look at the word on the display, and press the button at the position where the displayed word is present in the chart below. Remember the label and the position of the button you pressed.

THERE
NOTHING
UR
YOUR
SAY
SEE
HOLD ON
REED
YES
LEAD
FIRST
SAYS
C
THEIR
U
THEY ARE
RED
DISPLAY
BLANK
OK
THEY’RE
CEE
YOU’RE
YOU ARE
LED
READ
NO
OKAY
LEED
YOU

Stage 2

Use the label from Stage 1 as columns and the displayed word as rows. For each letter of each word, use the table below to get a new letter. If one word is shorter than the other, repeat letters of the shorter word until its length matches the longer word.

Scroll right to see the full table on mobile devices.
ABCDEFGHIKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
AYGIVZDUQJAEHFBRCWSXMLNTPOA
BUWZLYGCPDTSQVNKOHMREAJXFIB
CAISZBUDSYKANOJXRMQLHETGIPC
DEMVVXCSWMKUFNJYPFXBATIRGQD
EOCUGZAOWPCBLFTVUMZYDJMXKIE
FLGKYCQBRAHOJKUPDPFZSITLXGF
GTCEXQALNDUFKYRPVGBJBSIWOHG
HYEOUJVMZPRWLDACGRSKXFNBTQH
ICHFVONTLRUJYESBPQAWMDZKXGI
JQGWIPXLDZYVCFRTMEBKHSNUOAJ
KJZULXPIVGYTEFBORCNSWKHMQDK
LIRBDMGYJTOQURCNAEPHVIKWZSL
MEZESXPWLJDAVURCHNGBIHOTQKM
NODXPUJKZOLBTXGEDRQHVICIWYN
OKSUQUTHOKJOLJTGZVCFMTULXRO
PKYBBCTBCIMRQSOXUCFZDFKTQNP
QSKUWLPEHSQMNIVAYXGJWZFHKBQ
RKDBEVUQTEMMZHSIWYBMJUTNZQR
SJFNPMOIAJYDMIQHXCKLYORWUGS
TSGIYDHBNWMXQUPZOELAKJCFRVT
UYSPOAMLTNERFVXBCDHQJIKZWGU
VJFXGRZEAMSEVOFQDSNBWPIYCLV
WGAFLYDNGZROAPYUQHKDYWNFVWW
XNVMZHTNFRJCODAWYWJLHABZEHX
YPDLZXIAJPFNVREGNPDLSTMHSNY
ZERWLGHQASBTVXICECFVPAXEVWZ
ABCDEFGHIKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Then, take the sum of the alphabetic position of all the letters in the result string, modulo it by 60, add 1, and press the button at the position where the resulting number is present within the chart below. Remember the label and the position of the button you pressed, and the calculated number.

52
3
5
44
2
16
46
60
29
45
37
4
59
10
24
47
43
38
39
53
9
19
51
40
14
17
6
7
26
31
18
13
20
57
55
56
11
30
1
27
48
49
23
35
34
36
58
22
33
21
28
42
12
54
25
15
50
41
8
32

Stage 3

Use the chart from Stage 1 to determine which button you should be using to read the Venn diagram below. Remember the label and the position of both the button you pressed, and the button you used to read the diagram.

1 C R 2 M B T 3 4 A 5 L O D U B
Dash-dot Button is on the left column
Solid Label has an even number of letters
Dotted thin Displayed word has an odd number of vowels
Dotted thick Number calculated from stage 2 is prime
CharacterButton to press
NumbersThe button at that position
LAny button on the left column
RAny button on the right column
TAny button on the top row
MAny button on the middle row
BAny button on the bottom row
DAny button not on the top row
UAny button not on the bottom row
CThe reference button
OThe other button in the same row as the reference button
AAny button

Stage 4

Start at the position used as the reference in Stage 3. Move to another button based on its label using the chart below, wrapping around the edges if necessary. Keep moving until you have visited a button twice. Use this button to read Stage 3’s Venn diagram to get the button you should press. Remember the label and the position of both the button you pressed, and the button you used to read the diagram.

Up

WHAT?
PRESS
YOU
LEFT
WAIT
OKAY
NO

Left

WHAT
UH HUH
UR
NEXT
NOTHING
FIRST
YOU ARE

Right

BLANK
RIGHT
SURE
YOU’RE
READY
U
UH UH

Down

YOUR
HOLD
YES
MIDDLE
LIKE
UHHH
DONE

Stage 5

For each of the remembered labels listed below, look at the table with that label, and take a digit from the position associated with the label.

  1. The label from stage 1
  2. The label from stage 2
  3. The label of the correct button from stage 3
  4. The label of the correct button from stage 4
  5. The label of the reference button from stage 3
  6. The label of the reference button from stage 4
READY
12
34
56
FIRST
45
62
13
NO
26
41
35
BLANK
31
52
46
NOTHING
54
12
36
YES
63
45
21
WHAT
23
61
54
UHHH
51
43
62
LEFT
24
61
53
RIGHT
16
34
52
MIDDLE
23
15
46
OKAY
36
25
41
WAIT
61
34
25
PRESS
42
56
13
YOU
34
61
25
YOU ARE
26
35
14
YOUR
41
56
32
YOU’RE
54
21
63
UR
13
24
56
U
63
42
15
UH HUH
32
41
56
UH UH
54
36
12
WHAT?
41
23
56
DONE
26
53
14
NEXT
52
43
61
HOLD
45
61
23
SURE
34
16
25
LIKE
14
65
32

Take the sum of the six digits obtained, plus the calculated number from Stage 2. Modulo the result by 60, add 1, and use Stage 2’s chart to determine the correct button to press.