On the Subject of Obama Grocery Store

Big, big chungus! Big chungus, big chungus!

You are Barack Hussein Obama II, the president of the United States of America. You were shopping at Wal-Mart when a band of terrorists took hostage of the customers, and it is your job to kick their asses.

To defeat the terrorists and solve the module, Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, will need to choose a weapon, a sidekick and some food. You can access the selection screens by pressing different parts of the face of Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, and exit out of them by pressing the display. Once you select everything, press the display on the main screen to submit.

Each decision you make is determined by the module you solved immediately before Obama Grocery Store. It is recommended that you choose this module carefully to avoid having to do extra work. If this is the first solved module on the bomb, use Obama Grocery Store as the "most recently solved module".

Weapon (Left Eye)

Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, will need a weapon to take out the terrorists.

  • In the table below, find the row that contains a word* from the name of the most recently solved module. Take the weapon in that row.
    • If there are multiple rows with words from the module name, use the highest tied rows.
    • If there are no rows with words from the module name, split the module name into sets of 5 letters (ignore any remaining letters at the end if the number of letters is not a multiple of 5). In each set, add the alphabetical position of every Nth letter (A = 1, B = 2, etc.), where N is the number of batteries modulo 5 plus 1, and then modulo the sum by 6. Use the row with that number.
      • If the module name is less than five letters long, use the Obomba.
  • Partial words count (so "Colored" counts for "Color"). Partial words across word boundaries do not count (so "Mortal Kombat" does not count for "Talk").
Weapon Words in Common #
Obomba Maze Number Bean 0
Obamace Simon Wire Identification 1
Obamachete Color or Colour Cruel Time 2
Stilettobama Cipher Forget Boozle or Bamboozling 3
Torpedobama Key Morse Talk 4
Ammobama Button And or & Word 5

Sidekick (Right Eye)

Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, will need a trusty sidekick to assist them on their terrorist-ass-whoopin' mission.

  • In the table below, find the row with a contributor who worked on the most recently solved module. Take the sidekick in that row.
    • If there are multiple contributors in the table who worked on the module, use the lowest tied row.
    • If none of the module's contributors are in the table, find the number of letters in the most recently solved module that share a letter with either the serial number of any indicator labels and modulo it by 6. Use the row with that number.
  • Important: modules released after August of 2021 do not count.
Sidekick Contributor #
Joe Biden Timwi 0
Donald Trump Royal_Flu$h 1
Michelle Obama Speakingevil 2
Rob-ama Deaf 3
Oba-mary TasThing 4
O-bob-a Blananas2 5

Food (Mouth)

Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, requires sustenance to continue his duties. Find the row that has no letters in common with the most recently solved module; the food corresponding to that row is the food that Barack Obama, president of the United States of America, should eat.

  • In the table below, find the row that has no letters in the name of the most recently solved module. Take the food in that row.
    • If there are multiple rows with no letters in the most recently solved module, use the row with the second letter of the serial number.
    • If there are no rows that have no letters in the most recently solved module, add all of the values next to true conditions in the list below, then modulo the sum by 5. Use the row with that number.
      • No ports: the number of letters in the module name
      • Serial port present: the number of consonants in the module name (including Y)
      • Parallel port present: the number of vowels in the module name (not including Y)
      • RJ-45 or PS/2 port present: the number of letters in the first half of the alphabet in the module name
      • DVI-D or RCA port present: the number of letters in the second half of the alphabet in the module name
Food Letters #
Obamango ACJRW 0
Obamacaroni EGLXY 1
Obeana FIPTZ 2
Kabobama DMOSV 3
Avocadobama BHKNQU 4

If any selection is incorrect, the module will strike, causing the incorrect parts to turn red and the name of the most recently solved module to be displayed. Otherwise, Barack Obama, the president of the United States of America, will go fight the terrorists and the module will solve.

God bless America!