On the Subject of Subway

Face Jam covered Subway in episode 21, “Subway BBQ Rib Sandwich”, in which the sandwich scored the lowest score yet, with an average score of 14.

Being of the lowest social caste, and not strong enough to work in the salt mines, you have been sent to work at Subway as the only other acceptable job. Destined to spend the rest of your life selling mediocre sandwiches to businessmen and followed by the stench of Subway everywhere you go, you grow more and more apathetic every day. There is only one solace in your hollow existence: messing up people’s orders. Not messing up an order enough will lead to the monotonous void of Subway consuming your consciousness, while messing an order up too much will get rid of your tip, and you will starve to death.

The module will show an order button, and pressing it will start the order. Once the order is finished, ingredient buttons will show up on the module. As a proud Subway Sandwich Artist™, you would never make a sandwich out of order, and ingredients will always show up in the order: breads, meats, cheese, veggies, condiments. In addition, there will be a ? button in the bottom left that you can press at any time to ask the customer to restate their order. This can be done as many times as you like for no cost other than the customer’s sanity.

To solve this module, mess up the order with changes that add up to as close to the tip threshold as possible. There can be multiple correct answers. To get the value of a change, see the table below the explicit rules. To calculate the tip threshold, first take the greatest number from the number of battery holders, port plates, and indicators, and multiply by 3. Then, add the bomb’s voltage, if any, and round down. If the tip threshold is 0, you are making a sandwich for your coworker, and as the only other human being that has talked to you outside of asking for a sandwich, you don’t have the heart to mess up their order.

Never remove a vegetable if it is the last vegetable on the sandwich. It is pertinent to the structural integrity of the sandwich and keeps the fine line between people who say “Ew, green stuff,” and rational human beings.

Always toast a sandwich if the customer specifically asks for it. However, you may avoid toasting a sandwich if the customer only asks for a melt. How were you supposed to know to toast the melt?

If a customer asks for extra of anything, always give them the normal amount. However, if the customer specifically asks for as much of something that will get you fired, add that ingredient (when you get to it in the sandwich order) until the module solves.

Never give a customer whole wheat bread, even if they ask for it. Just pretend you are out of it to spite people who think they are eating healthy by going to Subway, a fast food chain whose “bread” had too much sugar content to be considered bread by the Supreme Court of Ireland.

If a customer asks for Ketchup, just don’t give it to them. Whatever is in the sandwich, it’s not worth it.

If the customer orders a sandwich with tuna in it, substitute the tuna for extra mayonnaise. They won’t be able to tell the difference anyways. (This won’t count against the tip threshold and changing or removing the mayonnaise will count as changing or removing a condiment.)

Never add an item without removing an equivalent item (i.e. changing an item). We’re a failing restaurant chain, not a soup kitchen.

If enough tip threshold is left after previous required changes, always put the wrong cheese if the customer asks for cheese. Literally all the cheeses are exactly the same with their only differences being food coloring, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

While technically possible while adding the bread, don’t give the customer a sandwich when they asked for a pizza. Yeah, Subways sells pizza. They even have their own pizza boxes. Don’t believe me? Go to your nearest Subway and get one, it’s probably better than the sandwich.

	Bread	Meat	Cheese	Veggies	Condiments
Change	3	4	1	2	2
Remove	infinite	9	4	3	2

Clarifications

Pizza can be found when bread is selectable, and changing which kind of pizza it is counts as changing the bread.

Whether you toast the bread or not can be chosen when cheese is selectable, and changing the toast of a sandwich counts as removing a cheese.

Removing or changing an item will always count against the tip threshold unless otherwise stated.

Due to supply chain issues, there are only six ingredients of each category, and only regular Cheetos. As detailed in your weekly report, they are listed below.

Breads	White	Multigrain	Gluten Free	Whole Wheat	Cheese Pizza	Pepperoni Pizza
Meat	Tuna	Chicken	Turkey	Ham	Pastrami	Mystery Meat
Cheeses	American	Mozzarella	Provolone	Swiss	Cheddar	Toast
Vegetables	Olives	Lettuce	Pickles	Onions	Tomatoes	Jalapeños
Condiments	Ketchup	Mayonnaise	Ranch	Salt	Pepper	Vinegar