On the Subject of The Console

*The screeching of the robot cat (AKA Dial-Up Internet) intensifies*

This module has no visible status light and a black screen. This module can only be interacted with via typing on your keyboard when you’ve selected the module.

The behavior of this module is very similar to that of a text-based adventure game. There are certain commands which can be entered to interact with elements. The syntax for this module is strict, and there’s no indication when you’ve typed an invalid command.

The module has 1 enemy, 1 hero, 1 location each with statistics, and also 10 items and 5 weapons which each have rules which determine whether you use it or not. Note that the statistics values might not be within the normal range and values of N/A, ∞ and -∞ may appear*.

To solve the module, use all the valid items, then use the weapon with the highest score value. If an incorrect item or weapon is used, or you attempt to use a weapon too early, the module will strike.

Valid syntax

view enemy	To view all of the enemy’s stats
view hero	To view all of the hero’s stats
view location	To view all of the location’s stats
view items	To view all of the available items
view weapons	To view all of the available weapons
use item [L]	Use the item next to the letter [L] on the item page
use weapon [L]	Use the weapon next to the letter [L] on the item page

*For deciding which items and weapons to use, if N/A, ∞ or -∞ are present in the stats, convert them accordingly using the table below.

N/A	0.0000000000118428
∞	8164259999999999
-∞	-8164259999999999

Enemy Stats

INT	Intelligence in Intelligence Quotient (IQ)
PWR	Power in Newtons (N)
DEF	Defense in Mohs hardness (Mohs)
MBL	Mobility in meters per second squared (m/s²)
HP	Health in Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC)
STL	Stealth in Lumens (lm)

Hero Stats

HGT	Height in Meters (m)
WGT	Weight in Kilograms (kg)
AGE	Age in years (y)
LDN	Loudness in decibels (db)
RDA	Radioactivity in microsieverts (mSv)
ORG	Origin in latitude and longitude (°, °)

Location Stats

TMP	Temperature in Celsius (°C)
HUM	Humidity in Relative Humidity (RH)
PSI	Pressure in kilopascals (kPa)
WND	Wind in degrees and kilometers per second squared (° & km/s²)
PRC	Precipitation in centimeters (cm)
ALT	Altitude in meters (m)

Item rules

You use the item if the condition next to the item is true, if it’s not, do not use the item.

2 of Spades	If location PSI is exactly 0
3D Glasses	If enemy STL is less than 100
Bald Eagle	If hero ORG is located in the United States (Latitude between 25 and 45, Longitude between -19 and -37)
Bike Pump	If location PSI is less than 15
Breathalyzer	If enemy HP is at least .06
Dehumidifier	If location HUM is greater than 40%
Dumbbell	If hero WGT is less than 70
Dunce Cap	If enemy INT is less than 70
Eggalyzer	If enemy STL is between 200 and 10,000
Elmo	If enemy INT is less than 100 and greater than 50
Fan	If location WND has a speed of less than 20
Geiger Counter	If hero RDA is greater than 15
Hand Warmers	If location TMP is greater than 38
Megaphone	If hero LDN is less than 80
Power Glove	If enemy DEF is greater than 6
Quantum Crack	If hero AGE is less than 18 and the hero’s WGT is more than 203
Robin’s Movie Ticket	If location WND direction is divisible by 45
Server Mute	If hero LDN is more than 80
Springboard	If location ALT is less than 100
Stepstool	If hero HGT is less than 2
Stop Sign	If enemy PWR is less than 500

continued on the next page...

Stun Gun	If enemy MBL is greater than 6
Sunglasses	If enemy STL is greater than 10,000
Time Machine	If hero AGE is less than 18 or greater than 100
Umbrella	If location PRC is greater than 75

Weapon scores

You use the weapon in which the score next to them is the largest value, if it’s not, do not use the weapon.

Anonymous Monsplode	Hero ORG Latitude + Hero ORG Longitude
Argonian Dictionary	10 × the number of vowels in the Location Name
Bed	Enemy HP × 100
Bunni	Sum of all location stats (TMP + HUM + PSI + WND speed + WND direction + PRC + ALT)
Creep	89 if Enemy STL is less than 10; 121 if STL is over 1000
DISTRACT	Hero AGE × Hero HGT
Firey Fist O’ Pain	100 - Location TMP
Giant Enemy Bugspray	69 if Enemy name contains “Spider”
Gun Sand	5 × the number of letters in the Enemy Name
Laughter	Add 50 for each that is present: “stick bug lol” (enemy), “HOW” (hero), “place go brrr” (location)
Lizard	67 if Hero RDA is over 99; add 54 if Location ORG Longitude is negative
Market Gardener	Location WND speed + 2
Markscript	7 × the number of characters in the Hero Name
Mine Turtle	Sum of first five hero stats (HGT + WGT + AGE + LDN + RDA)

Continued on next page...

Mrgrt Thtchr	Hero AGE - 87
Paper	61 if Enemy DEF is 3 or less; add 65 if Location TMP is over 10
Pineapple	Location ALT - Location HUM
Rock	85 if Hero WGT is less than 1; add 31 if Location ALT is negative
Sand gun	25 × the number of spaces in the Enemy Name
Scissors	21 if Hero LDN is 70 or higher; add 99 if Enemy HP is 0.1 or higher
Spock	47 if Hero WGT is under 60; add 81 if Hero ORG Latitude negative
T-Posing Godzilla	Hero HGT × 10
Trumpet	Enemy DEF × 25
Tylerwon	Sum of all enemy stats (INT + PWR + DEF + MBL + HP + STL)
Water Staff Thing	Location PRC