On the Subject of The Console

*The screeching of the robot cat (AKA Dial-Up Internet) intensifies*

This module has no visible status light and a black screen. This module can only be interacted with via typing on your keyboard when you've selected the module.

The behavior of this module is very similar to that of a text-based adventure game. There are certain commands which can be entered to interact with elements. The syntax for this module is strict, and there's no indication when you've typed an invalid command.

The module has 1 enemy, 1 hero, and 1 location each with statistics, and also 10 items and 5 weapons which each have rules which determine whether you use it or not. Note that the statistics values might not be within the normal range and values of N/A, ∞ and -∞ may appear*.

To solve the module, use all the valid items, then use the weapon with the highest score value. If an incorrect item or weapon is used, or you attempt to use a weapon too early, the module will strike.

Valid syntax

view enemyTo view all of the enemy's stats
view heroTo view all of the hero's stats
view locationTo view all of the location's stats
view itemsTo view all of the available items
view weaponsTo view all of the available weapons
use item [L]Use the item next to the letter [L] on the item page
use weapon [L]Use the weapon next to the letter [L] on the weapon page

*For deciding which items and weapons to use, if N/A, ∞ or -∞ are present in the stats, convert them accordingly using the table below.


Enemy Stats

INTIntelligence in Intelligence Quotient (IQ)
PWRPower in Newtons (N)
DEFDefense in Mohs hardness (Mohs)
MBLMobility in meters per second squared (m/s²)
HPHealth in Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC)
STLStealth in Lumens (lm)

Hero Stats

HGTHeight in Meters (m)
WGTWeight in Kilograms (kg)
AGEAge in years (y)
LDNLoudness in decibels (db)
RDARadioactivity in millisieverts (mSv)
ORGOrigin in latitude and longitude (°, °)

Location Stats

TMPTemperature in Celsius (°C)
HUMHumidity in Relative Humidity (RH)
PSIPressure in kilopascals (kPa)
WNDWind in degrees and kilometers per second squared (° & km/s²)
PRCPrecipitation in centimeters (cm)
ALTAltitude in meters (m)

Item rules

You must use the item if the condition next to the item is true. If it's not true, do not use the item.

2 of SpadesIf the location's PSI is exactly 0
3D GlassesIf the enemy's STL is less than 100
Bald EagleIf the hero's ORG is located in the United States (Latitude between 25 and 45, Longitude between -19 and -37)
Bike PumpIf the location's PSI is less than 15
BreathalyzerIf the enemy's HP is at least .06
DehumidifierIf the location's HUM is greater than 40%
DumbbellIf the hero's WGT is less than 70
Dunce CapIf the enemy's INT is less than 70
EggalyzerIf the enemy's STL is between 200 and 10,000
ElmoIf the enemy's INT is less than 100 and greater than 50
FanIf the location's WND has a kilometers per second of less than 20
Geiger CounterIf the hero's RDA is greater than 15
Hand WarmersIf the location's TMP is greater than 38
MegaphoneIf the hero's LDN is less than 80
Power GloveIf the enemy's DEF is greater than 6
Quantum CrackIf the hero's AGE is less than 18 and the hero's WGT is more than 203
Server MuteIf the hero's LDN is more than 80
SpringboardIf the location's ALT is less than 100
StepstoolIf the hero's HGT is less than 2
Stop SignIf the enemy's PWR is less than 500
Stun GunIf the enemy's MBL is greater than 6

continued on the next page...

SunglassesIf the enemy's STL is greater than 10,000
Tickets to Robin's Superhero MovieIf the location's WND direction is divisible by 45
Time MachineIf the hero's AGE is less than 18 or greater than 100
UmbrellaIf the location's PRC is greater than 75

Weapon scores

You must use the weapon which has the largest score next to it.

Anonymous MonsplodeHero's ORG Latitude + Hero's ORG Longitude
Argonian Dictionary10 * every vowel in the Location's Name
BedEnemy's HP * 100
BunniTMP + HUM + PSI + WND speed + WND direction + PRC + ALT (All location stats)
Creep89 if Enemy's STL is less than 10; 121 if STL is over 1000
Firey Fist O' Pain100 - Location's TMP
Giant Enemy Bugspray69 if Enemy's name contains "Spider"
Gun Sand5 * every letter in the Enemy's Name
LaughterAdd 50 for each that is present: "stick bug lol" (enemy), "HOW" (hero), "place go brrr" (location)
Lizard67 if Hero's RDA is over 99; add 54 if the Hero's ORG Longitude is negative
Market GardenerLocation's WND speed + 2
Markscript7 * every character in the Hero's Name
Mine TurtleHGT + WGT + AGE + LDN + RDA (All hero stats)

Continued on next page...

Mrgrt ThtchrHero's AGE - 87
Paper61 if Enemy's DEF is 3 or less; add 65 if Location's TMP is over 10
PineappleLocation's ALT - Location's HUM
Rock85 if Hero's WGT is less than 1; add 31 if Location's ALT is negative
Sand gun25 * every space in the Enemy's Name
Scissors21 if Hero's LDN is 70 or higher; add 99 if Enemy's HP is 0.1 or higher
Spock47 if Hero's WGT is under 60; add 81 if Location's ORG Latitude negative
T-Posing GodzillaHero's HGT * 10
TrumpetEnemy's DEF * 25
TylerwonINT + PWR + DEF + MBL + HP + STL (All enemy stats)
Water Staff ThingLocation's PRC